I had the answer. Or even just a relatively strong gut feeling.
For the past two months I have been consumed with the pursuit of natural childbirth after a C-Section. I am determined to push this little human growing inside of me out of my body by myself, without the aide of pitocin, a vaccum, forceps or a knife. It has become my latest obsession. I have read incessantly, talked with everyone I can think of and read numerous blogs and mothering forums.
We interviewed four doulas and chose the best one for us. She has been wonderful so far with advice on books, finding the right care provider and just plain supportive of any random question I might have.
I've decided to leave the midwife practice I've been seeing ever since I was pregnant with G because they feel much more medical minded than I am comfortable with. They think like OB's and deliver at the hospital with the highest c-section rate in Rhode Island.
In the pursuit of a new health care provider, I have interviewed another midwife practice that delivers at a different hospital, a homebirth midwife and a family physician/OB. The OB has been ruled out.
My gut says my best chances for a natural birth are at home but my brain is worried about the one trillionth chance of complications and the fact that I won't technically have any connection to a liscenced health care professional. The homebirth midwife IS a professional, and in my opinion has more experience (27 years) than anyone I've interviewed, BUT she is a CPM (not a CNM) and RI does not recognize them, so she can not write perscriptions or even legally deliver a baby in the state.
I am so torn and eager to make the decision. I would like to go back to focusing on other topics in my life, such as making some art before #2 arrives or maybe just planning dinner.
I have given myself until tomorrow to decide. It's just getting that ridiculous and I am 26 weeks along now so I feel the urge to have this nailed down.
What do I do about the fact that neither option feels perfect?