I had the answer. Or even just a relatively strong gut feeling.
For the past two months I have been consumed with the pursuit of natural childbirth after a C-Section. I am determined to push this little human growing inside of me out of my body by myself, without the aide of pitocin, a vaccum, forceps or a knife. It has become my latest obsession. I have read incessantly, talked with everyone I can think of and read numerous blogs and mothering forums.
We interviewed four doulas and chose the best one for us. She has been wonderful so far with advice on books, finding the right care provider and just plain supportive of any random question I might have.
I've decided to leave the midwife practice I've been seeing ever since I was pregnant with G because they feel much more medical minded than I am comfortable with. They think like OB's and deliver at the hospital with the highest c-section rate in Rhode Island.
In the pursuit of a new health care provider, I have interviewed another midwife practice that delivers at a different hospital, a homebirth midwife and a family physician/OB. The OB has been ruled out.
My gut says my best chances for a natural birth are at home but my brain is worried about the one trillionth chance of complications and the fact that I won't technically have any connection to a liscenced health care professional. The homebirth midwife IS a professional, and in my opinion has more experience (27 years) than anyone I've interviewed, BUT she is a CPM (not a CNM) and RI does not recognize them, so she can not write perscriptions or even legally deliver a baby in the state.
I am so torn and eager to make the decision. I would like to go back to focusing on other topics in my life, such as making some art before #2 arrives or maybe just planning dinner.
I have given myself until tomorrow to decide. It's just getting that ridiculous and I am 26 weeks along now so I feel the urge to have this nailed down.
What do I do about the fact that neither option feels perfect?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
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5 comments:
thanks for your comment today. ;-D
i could write a book about this, but i'll try to keep my comments brief. i birthed my first at home, water birth and everthing, and loved it. then i birthed my next three at a birth center and also loved it. with my first we were only 2 minutes from one of the best hospitals in the state, and i felt in my gut that all would be well. with the others, i was more than 20 minutes from a good hospital at home and didn't feel comfortable with that. i might be a little nervous as well after having a c-section just because you don't totally know how your body will react. with that said, i think you should go with what makes you happiest, and where you feel the safest... which may just be home. i probably only muddled the water more there, sorry! if you're the praying type, then make your decision, ask if it's right and you'll feel it in your heart and in your mind, peace.
good luck sweetie!
What if perfect does not exist? What would be second best? What is your priority? Who do you feel is most likely ready, willing and able to get you as close to perfect as possible?
Obsessions serve a purpose aside from face value, they occupy time when too much time is unsettling.
Such an impossibly difficult decision. Trust your gut, your instincts. And choose the person who you trust most, too. Try not to focus on perfection--that's putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
i had a vbac after a c section. my firstborn was c section after many hours of pushing a much too big head out of me, when he was 1 year old i was pregnent, and so my daughter was born (20 months between births. my daughter had a small head (large brain) and with the help of a few outside hands helping me push down she was born vaginally. My children are now aged 22, and 20, and i marvel at many things about them, one of them being that they came out of me!
Obsessions serve a purpose aside from face value, they occupy time when too much time is unsettling. Work from home India
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