When you're

Sliding in to first and your pants are going to burst..................

It started last night and I haven't felt right ever since.

I hate this type of affliction, because you never know exactly what caused it. Was it something I ate? Were those eggs bad after all? I mean, they passed the, sink to the bottom of the cup in water, test. Is it just a stomach bug? A symptom of some larger issue?

The not knowing does bother me, though, not quite as much as the diet restrictions. It's just that, I LOVE to eat. A WIDE variety of foods. I have a high metabolism and I like to snack, a lot. Being forced to eat the BRAT diet is like further punishment. I don't mind the Bananas, but plain WHITE rice, awful, applesauce, not so bad, and dry toast, brutal.

Well, I'm off to my sister's for the weekend. A haircut and the annual pedicure are planned for tomorrow.

Drinking lots of water and praying that this is just a 24 hour thing.

I hope your weekend is filled with good things, not bad.

A glimpse

Sarah over at Momalon posted 101 things about Sarah, on Monday. Because it was so fun to read and seems like it would be interesting and self-indulgent, in a good way, I've decided to do it as well. So here goes.

1. I am a Leo.
2. I am not at all coordinated.
3. I dislike group sports with a passion.
4. I am the oldest of three girls.
5. To bond with my father, I tried every sport available.
6. I tried softball, soccer, field hockey and basketball.
7. I believe in karma.
8. I was a Big Sister my Senior Year in College.
9. I made two layups in one game for the entire two seasons I played basketball.
10. I went to college because I thought I was supposed to.
11. I got my undergraduate degree in Business Administration.
12. Then I realized what I wanted to do when I grow up.
13. Five years later, I went to graduate school for my MFA in Sculpture.
14. I do not work well in groups.
15. I've never had a cool nickname.
16. I love green olives.
17. My son inherited my knock-kneed legs.
18. July is my favortie month of the year.
19. I'd rather be sweating my b$lls off than be the slightest bit cold.
20. I am chronically late for things.
21. I hate the very idea of Disney World.
22. The one and only time I have been there was on a business trip with my husband in my late 20's.
23. I am obsessed with getting a good haircut.
24. I often leave the salon thinking I could do better.
25. My husband and I dated for 7 years before getting married.
26. We moved to San Francisco together after dating for 1 year.
27. I would still live there if it wasn't so far from my family.
28. I went on an Outward Bound trip in my early 20's
29. I didn't shave my legs or armpits for the entire 28 days.
30. But I did pluck my eyebrows with a pair of tweesers & a tiny mirror.
31. I ran the San Francisco marathon.
32. I hope to one day run the Boston marathon.
33. Running makes me feel powerful.
34. I always thought I would have girls.
35. I love having a son.
36. I got a black eye in Rome.
37. I broke my nose while diving into shallow water.
38. I lived in France for 5 months.
39. I want to live abroad for a year with my family some day.
40. I've never been to London.
41. I have been to Amsterdam, Barcelona, Florence, and Salzburg.
42. My all time favorite sculpture is Michelangelo's Statue of David.
43. I have a fear of public speaking.
44. I love sushi.
45. Libraries make me feel like anything is possible.
46. Letters to a Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke is my favorite book.
47. I wanted to be an Interior Designer when I was little.
48. My fake name was LeeAnne.
49. I didn't know how much I wanted to become a mother until I was one.
50. We planned his birth to the month.
51. Having a miscarriage taught me that I can't control everything.
52. My parents are amazing.
53. They do so much for my sisters and I.
54. And for everyone else.
55. I hope to be as good to G as they have been to us.
56. I never feel alone.
57. My biggest fear is not measuring up.
58. I want to volunteer.
59. Growing up, we went to a Congregational church every Sunday.
60. And then to my grandmother's house after lunch.
61. She gave us M&M's and Coke for a snack.
62. I have been fired twice.
63. I can NOT hold my liquor.
64. I used to resent growing up in a small town.
65. Now I want to move to one.
66. I always wanted a brother.
67. Every winter my Dad & Uncle took us girls snowmobiling in Maine.
68. I learned to knee board on an old door.
69. I think water skiing is one of the best feelings in the world.
70. I love cliff jumping (into water).
71. But I would never go sky diving or bungee jumping.
72. I have eaten the same thing for breakfast for about 12 years.
73. A bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats.
74. I love the Beastie Boys.
75. The smell of suntan lotion.
76. And body surfing with my family in Maine.
77. I love the smell of oil paint and sawdust.
78. Being in a messy studio makes me happy.
79. I miss having studio mates.
80. My husband and I love to get things for free.
81. Sometimes it gets us into trouble.
82. I hate starting the day with a big meal.
83. I love going out for dinner.
84. I'm a morning person.
85. I had braces.
86. Now my gums are receeding.
87. I gave birth to a 9lb.8oz. boy.
88. Via C-Section.
89. I hope to have a VBAC one day.
90. I hate small talk.
91. I'd rather talk about the real/raw stuff.
92. Or nothing at all.
93. I love reading honest details of other peoples lives on their blogs.
94. I often feel isolated during the day.
95. Blogging helps me feel connected.
96. There's nothing better than a random leg hug from your toddler.
97. Most nights I can't wait for him to go to bed.
98. Most mornings I can't wait for him to get up.
99. His laughter makes everything worth it.
100. I believe in setting your sights high, while being happy with what you've currently got.
101. G just came in and said, "Play trains, Mama." So I think I will.

Wow. That was harder than I thought. Should be fun to look back on this.

Good Day

Tackling a few glorious house projects.

Trying to find a place in the house for the HUGE train table Nana & Papa brought down for the G-Man.

About to pick up PIZZA for dinner.

It's been a good day for everyone.

Knowing you are loved

Lately, the smallest detail can send me to that place where my eyes well up and it feels like something is pressing on my throat. Teaching is done till the Fall, summer is not quite here, G has one more month of daycare and then we'll be home together, all day, everyday, for two months. This transition has got me a little freaked out and feeling a bit funky.

The one thing though, that simultaneously helps me snap out of it and has the ability to make me crazy, is G.

This weekend we spent the night at our friends house. Sunday morning after breakfast, I went upstairs to brush my teeth. Our friend was upstairs too, so after brushing, I lingered near the top of the stairs to talk for a minute. All of a sudden, I heard G climbing the stairs saying, "I hear her. I hear her." Followed by B's voice, "Yep. You found her."

G is not an overly emotional kid. He gives hugs and kisses, but he never cries when I drop him off at daycare. Instead, he runs excitedly in the door to grab a chair and join the other kids for morning snack. He loves spending time with all of our family and friends and is never clinging with B or me.

The realization that:

• he can recognize me by the sound of my voice

and

• he was looking for me when I wasn't there

made me feel so loved.

Is it strange......

.......that G received a birthday pary invitation in the mail, from an unknown boy at daycare? I mean, we assume the boy goes to G's daycare.....

We have never met him or his parents.

Hmmmmm.

RSVPing is going to be awkward.

Wrestling with negative feedback

Every semester I look forward to the day when grades are officially entered and they allow each professor access to our teaching evaluations. It's like getting our grade for the course. I've always enjoyed getting feedback, ever since I was a little girl. I love taking tests and finding out how I did. I have a competitive nature and strive to do better than the last time.

Usually my evaluations range from Very good to Excellent, with a few average comments and then some really flattering ones. This semester, however, the comments were average to NOT GOOD, and to be honest, I am not sure why. I taught Drawing 1 and 3D Design and tried some new techniques. The work they did was pretty good, but I'm not sure why the students didn't enjoy it. Some of it had to do with my students, a bunch of them were slackers, and told me they wanted to do the minimum amount of work necessary to pass the course. Ugh. But I can't help wonder if some of it had to do with me. Am I loosing my edge?

I love teaching and hope to do it full time in 5 years or so. I want to be an inspiring, creative teacher. Right now, while G is still so young, I'm taking a lighter load by doing adjunct work. But it is important to me to stay in it and keep my skills sharp.

I went back and read some of the better evaluations I've received in the past and that helped put things in perspective. I know I shouldn't let one semester make me second guess myself, but I can't help thinking there is something to be learned.

Anyone have any insight regarding how to turn negative feedback into something positive?

I just fahhted

G wakes up from his afternoon nap and calls for me to come get him.

Uuuuuhhhhhhh. Uuuuuuhhhhhhuhhhhhhh. His charming grunt, singing.

I go into his room and he immediately directs me to "Turn it off. Turn it off." As if I don't remember to "turn it off" every time I get him out of bed.

I turn off the sound machine which loops through a recording of the ocean.

Then, excitedly I say, "Let's change your diaper?" trying to make it sound fun, since he hates diaper changes these days.

"Nooooo. I just fahhhted. I fahhted." he says, dead seriously. Not sure where the Boston accent comes from, neither B nor I have one.

"Let's change it just to be safe." I say.

When I lay him down, I notice a pancake sized wet spot on the top of his pants.

Hmmmmm. Just farted, huh?

He might be learning the art of persuasion, but he's got a lot to learn about little white lies. Such as, make sure there is no glaring evidence of that which you are trying to lie about.

The Art of Persuasion

Over the past few months, G has gotten increasingly upset about my use of the computer during the day, when it's just the two of us in the house. At first, to assuage him, I would say, "G, I'm just checking my blog, I'll be done in a minute." Then I would suggest he play trains.

It worked for about a week and then whenever he saw me on the computer he would yell, "NO CHECKING BLOG, MAMA! NO CHECKING BLOG." Which often shocked me, made me feel guilty and I would stop.

But, admittedly, I do still occasionally check my email or the blog while he's awake but engaged in some kind of activity.

The yelling is more infrequent now, as I am better at realizing when he's reaching his boiling point, but it does still happen.

Yesterday, however, we were sitting at the table eating a snack. I finished before him and got up from the table to sit at the computer on the other side of the room. He could still see me but I was no longer sitting at the table with him.

I had only checked one email message when he politely asked, "Mama, come sit back in your chair." When he asked nicely a second time, I closed the laptop and gave in to his request.

I sat down across from him at the table.

He looked at me and said, "Mama, loves me."

"Yes. Mama loves you very much." I said.

"Thank you," he said, with a serious face.

Someone's learning the art of persuasion.

Common Enemy

I was ready to write a story about grandparents and their propensity to overfeed grandchildren, especially when it comes to dessert. I mean, seriously, extra large portions of cake, cobbler and butter?

But, in light of how much I like all four of them and would never want to hurt their feelings, or risk losing their love, support and help, I decided not to write it.

When G was a few months old, my Dad, king of "did you hear the one about" jokes, asked me this question.

Q: Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well?
A: Because they have a common enemy.

I'm pretty sure he was joking, but sometimes I wonder.

I mean, is that why they let their grandkids do things they would, never, have let us do?

Trying to help me kick this

I have a bad habit of twirling my hair and staring off into space when I am......

a) day dreaming, cause I'm an artist, you know.....
b) trying to solve something
c) reading
d) just about anytime I have hair long enough to twirl (for about three years I had a pixie cut)

I have done this since high school and back then my Dad would bump my arm to get me to stop. Since then, my students have commented on it and some of my friends. I would like to stop, but often I don't even know I'm doing it.

*******************************************

A few days ago, G and I were driving home from the store. After a brief silence, G stated, "Mama, DON'T do that!" with the same tone he uses to tell the cats to get off the counter.

"What?" I asked, innocently.

"The hair, Mama."

He's a real ball buster, that son of mine. Won't let you get away with anything.

James Taylor: My kindred spirit

This quote by James Taylor describes perfectly how I feel about making art.

"It is a process of discovery. It's being quiet enough and undisturbed enough for a period of time so the songs can begin to sort of peek out, and you begin to have emotional experiences in a musical way."

Censorship

B and I watch what we say around G. We try not to swear or speak harshly to one another, as we want to model the behavior we expect from him.

Occasionally, though, B listens to Dr. Dre.

Although the words hurt my sense of well-being, I enjoy the sound of his music, so every now and then I listen, too.

A month ago, the three of us were driving somewhere and B popped in the Dr. Dre/Snoop Dogg collaboration "Still D.R.E."

We taught him about air guitar and air drums. But totally on his own, G said, "Look Mama, air piano!" and I turned to see him tickling the air ivories. It was hilarious and horrifying at the same time. We realized in that moment, Dr. Dre is not appropriate for children. But how much of it is he really understanding?

Since then, if G gets antsy or upset about being in the car, we pop in the cd and let him listen to the beginning, while he plays air piano in his carseat. It works like a charm.

But, if my son ever started singing the lyrics to that song..........well.......


.......yeah..........it might be time to give up listening to hardcore rap in G's presence.

MR. Joe

For the first time in 7 years, I did my shopping at Trader Joe's. It felt really great to be back.

When we lived in San Francisco I shopped there quite often. But, then we moved to Providence and they didn't have one within a reasonable driving distance.

A few months ago, they opened a store in Warwick, about 25 minutes from our house. It's still not close enough, but it will do. I love everything about the place. The way the store is organized and all the wood. Aisle upon aisle of unique and interesting food and yummy sounding house products. It feels like Whole Foods meets the local farm stand/corner market, but it doesn't break the bank. Every time I go, it seems the employees love their jobs and are proud to work there. It's such a spectacular shopping experience.

In order to get G psyched up for the trip this morning, I mentioned that we were going to MR. Trader Joe's to get some of the aforementioned popsicles and chewable multi-vitamins. He really has a thing for popsicles but also, for some reason, loves taking vitamins. It's strange, since he hadn't had the sweet chewable ones until today after I bought them. Up until now, we've given him the Poly-Vi-Sol baby drops in his morning yogurt and he loves it.

As I put on his shoes and raincoat, he sang this little song.

"MR. Trader Joe. Popsicles. Vitamins. MR. Trader Joe. Popsicles. Vitamins."

When I pulled out of the driveway, his happy tone took a turn. Out of no where he said, "I don't wanna see Joe. I don't wanna see Joe."

I gently explained that Trader Joe is not actually a man but a wonderful store for purchasing affordable, slightly out of the ordinary food and nice smelling things like bergamont & coriander air freshener.

He seemed relieved and went back to singing.

Totally serious

When G's on the phone he holds it to his ear with his shoulder and thrusts out his opposite hip as if he's been doing it for years. He says things like "HI! How are you?" and "Yup," in response to questions from the other end. Or, he just hangs up the phone and says, "All done."

Usually I am physically close enough to hear both sides of the conversation. But last night, I was in the living room when B handed G the phone so he could speak with his four year old cousin. All I could hear was this.

G: Are you serious?

Pause.

G: Are you SERIOUS?

Another pause.

G: ARE YOU SERIOUS??????

I waited in the living room while B got on the phone with his sister and asked what our nephew was saying to elicit such a response.

Apparently the other side of the conversation went something like this:

Cousin: Papa has a train table for you. It's really cool and has lots of trains on it.

********************************

I guess if I got really great news, I would check to make sure they weren't pulling my leg, too.